Stuffed?

So it’s Thanksgiving/Black Friday as I type this…in Korea it’s just another ordinary work day, but at least it’s a Friday.  For those who celebrate and get time off from work and get to see family or friends, Happy Thanksgiving!  In a year I’m sure that will be me, at least I hope so!!

Here in my corner of the world, I am anticipating a very Koroot Thanksgiving tomorrow evening and a work-related Thanksgiving tomorrow afternoon.  My days here are numbered so I’m trying to not crawl into an abyss and wait for the days to just pass.  Sometimes I feel like doing that, but I know that’s not the wisest approach.

My Thanksgiving meal (on the actual day) was very spicy tofu and rice.  I washed it down with a soy latte.  Yum.

As a child I was told that Thanksgiving is a time to think about what you’re thankful for.  I try to do this daily, but in a conscious effort to do so, here’s my list:

I’m thankful for:

• Being able to experience living in Korea
• My friends from all over the world
• My boyfriend
• My job stability in Korea
• Loving Hut locations in Seoul
• My parents, brother and sister-in-law, and the support of extended family
• My health
• My optimism – even when I feel negative, I know I have it sooooo good.
• My safety – sure we’re all at risk in some ways with random acts of terror, but in general I do not live in fear as so many others do…
• My spirituality
• My wealth – I never worry about where the next meal is going to come from or if I can pay my bills.
• Green tea lattes.
• …and seriously, so much more!!!

Just another day in Seoul

Got up pretty early (for me), joined the lines of commuters boarding the subway, squished up against strangers for a few stops, got slammed around a bit as I exited the train with a lot of others at popular transfer point, avoided the long line of people waiting in lines to get on the down escalator and took the stairs instead, waited for next train to arrive, it came within 1 minute, got on board and had to stand for about 35 minutes, transferred again, then finally made it to the gym.

Ran at the gym for 45 minutes, showered and while finishing up my shower, the girl showering next to me splatters her shampoo right into my left eye, upon which I immediately have a severe reaction to, making my left eye turn as red as blood.  I try to wash it out, but the allergic reaction to whatever chemicals were in her shampoo have set in, and now my eye is watering, stinging and hurting like hell.  I finish up my shower, and dripping wet, still naked as ever I search in my backpack for my eye drops.  I find them and immediately squeeze 3 drops in.  A tiny relief is felt, but not much.  I get dressed and blow dry my hair, then leave the gym.

As I walk toward the bank to pay some bills, a car turns into the crosswalk and nearly hits me.  I barely flinch but am still annoyed.  The sidewalks are always crowded in Seoul and those walking in groups don’t like to get in single file lines to make room for others, so I find myself stepping out into the street, off the sidewalk to get to where I need to.  A guy’s cigarette ashes blow into my face as he walks by, letting his cancerous ashes go wherever.  My eye is still watering and pink, but a little less pained.

The bank is not crowded today, but I still must get a number to wait in line.  I have the same teller I have had the last 2 times, and fortunately she speaks some English.  She speaks to me in Korean anyway and I just push my bills at her, hoping she’ll know I just want to pay them and keep this simple.  Now she’s trying to tell me something about one of the bills, and I have no idea what she’s saying…so she reluctantly switches to English and says I can’t pay this bill because part of it is missing.  So I pay the one that is still in tact and carry on with my day…

It’s time to mail a letter home, and again I luck out with hardly any line.  ”Mi-guk” I say, as I push my envelope forward to the woman.  She asks me something to which of course I don’t understand.  Then she says slowly, “Ex-puh-ress-uh?”  I shake my head, pay for the postage and walk to the train again.

I head toward work, pondering what to grab for lunch on this fine Friday afternoon.  I’m sick of Korean food for some reason, but also a little low on cash since it’s the end of the month and pay day isn’t for another week.  I ponder getting some ramen, but just cannot eat ramen either, so I splurge on 8,000 won Thai food and it’s delicious (as far as Thai food in Seoul goes) but it was confusing as usual to get them to understand I wanted tofu instead of chicken.  I’d ordered tofu pad thai from this place before, so knew they could do it, but with different staff there everyday, the confusion begins all over again.  Fortunately, it was fine, just a few moments of confusion and soon I was on my way with my nicely packaged pad thai.

I get to work, sit down, turn on the computer and the principal asks me questions about one of my classes, asking me to rank the students and say who is the best in the class.  I find this to be a hard question, since all the students in that particular class have different strengths and weaknesses.  Finally I submerge to the easiest way of ranking the kids and tell him who has the best test scores.  I stress that while her test scores are good, her degree of critical thinking could use some work.  This is Korea…and I hate to say it, but after 15 months of teaching elementary kids, I am finding that generally the creative ones have lower test scores and the less creative ones have higher test scores.  I hate generalizing, but it’s true.

My eye, as I look in the bathroom mirror at work is only slightly pink, and just a teeny bit watery now.  Good, at least it seems to be going away.  Next time I shower with that girl I’m closing my eyes the whole time.  Now I must work and assist with curriculum at this joyful hagwon.  At least after work I can look forward to a relaxing dinner and drinks with friends.

Not disgruntled, surprisingly.

I have a little secret to share with “the world.”  (Translation: The 3 people who read this and the lurkers I don’t know about.)  I sometimes really get a kick out of my job.  I don’t always like my students every second, (who would, right?) but I definitely like my job sometimes and can appreciate some of these kids’ funny moments and stories.  I’m sure I’ll actually miss and wonder about some of them.  Guess that’s natural…

Another little secret is that lately things have been going smoother, and though the 2.33 months left in Korea will be met with happiness, I realize it’s gonna be the ultimate bittersweet experience leaving Korea.  So far I’m handling my anxiety of all the upcoming changes very well.  This could either be a sign of “maturity” or just that it hasn’t hit me yet.  Normally I have some insomnia during huge life changes.  I’m hoping I have better coping mechanisms to deal with the stressors ahead which include but are not limited to the following:

• Finishing a job.
• Packing.
• Moving out of one apartment into a guest house.
• Confronting birth family “issues.”
• Saying “See you again somedays” to the people I have met here that I will miss.
• Moving out of guest house into MN home.
• Job searching.
• Confronting adoptive family “issues.”
• Pondering future career goals.
• Introducing Joe to the family (and friends…though more nervous about introducing him to family.)
• Saying “Hello again” to the people I have been missing.
• Jet lag.

Am I missing anything?  Likely.  But this is enough to anticipate for now.  In the meantime, enjoying what Korea has to offer, trying to stay warm and keep up with my running.  Teaching in Korea has gone quite well, considering some of the bad stories I heard prior to moving here.  I guess working in China as an English teacher and in childcare in the USA preps a person pretty well for the potential confusion that comes with teaching at a hagwon in Seoul.

Now, back to making the moments last…

For the record

I don’t hate Korea.  I don’t love Korea.  It is a unique country, with a history filled with ups and downs, and filled with people who are both nice and rude – just like every country in the world.  I may bitch about some of my experiences on here, many of which stem from simple language barrier problems, cultural misunderstandings, etc.  This is not unique to anyone living in Korea who wasn’t raised here, but some of my reactions do stem from my adoptee identity and the life-long issues and struggles I have had.

I definitely realize learning Korean BEFORE coming here would have been a great and useful skill to have in order to enjoy living here more.  However, I didn’t and therefore I come across a lot of situations that frustrate me.  Looking Korean to the Koreans means they don’t get why I can’t respond to them and also can mean that they expect me to act a certain way, simply because I look the part.  This is a different level of frustration and prejudice that I contend with that others who do not look Korean do not deal with.  I realize they have their own struggles in Korea, but this is not a blog about them.  It’s my blog.  I did not set up this blog to make it a big debate convention to try and figure out who has had it worse in this country: adoptees, gyopos, white people, black people, other Asian but not Korean folks, mixed race people, etc.

My identity as an adoptee  (and as a person currently living in Korea) does not reflect anyone else’s, and therefore should not be considered as a reflection of the entire Korean adoptee community.  This is just my place to say what I want to say, mostly for the audience of my friends and acquaintances.  If you have a lot to say about your experiences in Korea, feel free to open your own blog and write about them.  Do not criticize me for experiencing life in Korea how I have.

Another Great Sanchon Experience

I discovered Sanchon in 2005 and really enjoyed and appreciated the experience. Buddhist temple food and a Korean dance performance.  A bit pricey for me, but worth it.  I enjoyed this place again in 2007 during my 3 week vacation, and since moving to Korea about 14 months ago, I kept postponing going…was waiting for that special ocassion I suppose.  It’s about 40,000/person for the food and dance performance.  Finally this past weekend I went, took Joe with who had never been, and enjoyed the simple, yet delicious pure vegan food.  Here are some photos:

Interior of Sanchon.

The beginning of the dance performance.

More information here!

The usual bitching

As I sat on the train with my partner Joe, another Korean adoptee talking at a fairly quiet level, the 50 year old guy next to us asks, “What are you talking about?” (in Korean) and I wouldn’t know this but of course Joe understood him.  Not feeling like it was any of his business what we’re talking about, Joe ignored him.  The 50 year old rude, nosey, and angry guy gets up and starts shouting at us for not answering him.  He’s literally reprimanding us for not translating our conversation to him.  By the way, we were talking about my allergies and how I sometimes have a sensitive stomach to random food.  The train is nowhere near full, with plenty of spots to sit, but the man is so disgusted at us, he stands up and walks to the nearest door, still muttering crap about us.  He’s not getting off anytime soon which is what I hoped because he was making me very uncomfortable.  Instead he just moved to the door and stood up to be away from our awful English speaking voices.  I am so ready to be away from this place.  Will I deal with crap in the USA for looking the way I do and being the way I am?  Certainly.  But at least there I can, in my own empowered way challenge them if I am up for it and defend myself with words as I choose to.  Here, I am just a powerless mute most of the time.  I respect Joe for not responding to this a-hole because it really was none of his business what we were talking about.

People here often try to explain TO ME why these things happen, and I’m sick of hearing it.  I know that some Koreans, especially the older ones have a closed mind about “outsiders.”  I know that they are just wondering what we’re saying.  I know all of this, but it still doesn’t make me feel any better.  It’s like when white people try to EXPLAIN why people say ignorant things to me.  Thanks for explaining to me why you think someone is so stupid, but sometimes all I want is to just vent.

85 days people…85 days and I’m outta here!

Sort of like a podcast, but you have to read it.

This week in Seoul…

Funny T-shirt sighting:  I walked past a girl wearing a shirt that read:  ”I’m looking for my Mr. Big” worn by a rather tall Korean girl, with leggings on of course.  The t-shirt was oversized and long, practically to her knees.  I laughed for a good block after spotting that on her.

Podcast reactions:  Began listening to this podcast “Deep Thoughts by Shallow People” because I went to college with one of the guys on it and while I was laughing for a good portion of it, I was also utterly annoyed at their discussion on people dressing up as a geisha for Halloween.  None of them appear to be people of color, so it didn’t surprise me that the conversation about said topic was insensitive and devoid cultural sensitivity.   One guy did point out that it’s just as bad as someone dressing up as a black person for Halloween (Wow – really?), but in general the short discussion they had was lacking and one person said “What would be wrong with that?” to the question of whether wearing eyeliner to make one’s caucasian eyes look “thinner” took place.  Boo.

I also began listening to “This American Life” presented by Chicago Public Radio and am really enjoying it.

Finally, have been listening to the “Vegan Freak” podcast and have enjoyed that one as well…because there is still a vegan freak deep down inside of me.  :D

Korean Adoptee Rant:  I continue to get asked by people here  if I’m Chinese or where I was born.  As if saying “No” to the first question or answering the second one is going to help them out.  I was at a restaurant and the woman working there was talking to me about who knows what and I said, “Sorry I’m not understanding you…” so she immediately said in English, “Oh, are you Chinese?”  Why she even had to talk to me in the first place is beyond me.  Why can’t people mind their own business?  Furthermore, since she obviously knew English, why not just switch to English to tell me whatever she was telling me rather than assume/question my ethnicity?  This scenario happens in the USA and South Korea and I guess since I have a chip on my shoulder about having to go into depth about my personal history to strangers, I really hate this question!!!

Vegan Rant: Was at an Indian restaurant here and the guy working there spoke English just fine.  I asked him if what I was ordering had any cream or anything in it, and he assured me it did not.  When the food came out, there were huge chunks of cheese in it.  I guess I should have been more specific and asked him if there was cream, milk, cheese or any DAIRY product in the dish.  Considering the menu’s description mentioned nothing about cheese in that dish, it was unexpected and disappointing.  I miss pure vegan Indian restaurants…wahhhhh…

Seoul Metro Memory:  Was on the ever-so-crowded Line 1 last weekend (with Joe) and an older woman (maybe 60ish?) tried talking with me.  Realizing that was not going to happen, she asked where I was born (in broken English) so I said, “Busan.”  She kept trying to talk with me so Joe started translating and she more or less just felt sorry for me after learning of my adoptee status.  She was patting my knee very kindly and kept talking to Joe about/”with” me.  She said she had met one other adoptee in her lifetime.  She gave us an apple from her garden and some kind of rice cake snack.  She said she wanted to learn English but didn’t know where to begin.  She was nice and it’s the first time I’ve received pity snacks as a result of being an adoptee.  In some ways I don’t like it, but honestly I’d rather have that reaction than the harsh attitude received from some native Koreans who basically say/think, “Well so what if you’re an adoptee?  You should still speak Korean.”

From the desk of this English teacher: Being in a facetious mood a few weeks back, I told one of my nosier students that I was born on the moon.  She had been pressing to figure me out, and I just wasn’t in the mood that day to try to talk about my identity.  Well yesterday she looked at me real serious like and said, “Were you really born on the moon?”  I laughed and said no, while on the inside I was thinking, “Wow, she remembered that?”  I shouldn’t be surprised since kids are smart and remember a lot, so then when she asked “Really, where are you from?  America?”  I just nodded and left it at that.  Why do I not tell the truth and say I was born in Korea?  Because it seems that being born somewhere goes hand-in-hand with knowing the language/culture by many people’s attitudes here, including most of my students so lying and saying I’m from the USA just seems easier sometimes.  I hate lying and I know I should be educating these kids on this more than I am…but either I’m just terribly lazy and a bad person or I’m just burnt out of explaining myself.  Maybe it’s both.  Forgive me.

English I’ve learned as a result of being an English teacher:  Present Simple is where you either add an “s” to the verb depending on if the subject is singular or plural, and Present Continuous is where you add “ing” to the verb to indicate said action is happening right now.

General announcements:  Leaving Korea for reals on Feb. 3rd, 2010.  Flight is booked and paid for.  I’ll leave Incheon at 8:00am and arrive to Chicago at 8:00am.  Can’t wait to see Chicago with a Chicago-raised dude!

Neither here nor there

November is making it’s strong entrance.  Temps reached below freezing this week.  Coffee shops began serving their holiday drinks.  We turned on the floor heat, an experience fairly unique to Korea.  Last night it got so warm I had to turn it off.  Winter is moving in, and my mind keeps re-playing moments here while it also imagines life there in 3 months.

No longer will I be booking past people in the transfer zones of the Seoul Metro, lightly brushing their arms or huge purses as I steadily run up or down stairs to catch my next train.  No more ample supply of Korean cuisine every corner I turn.  No longer will it be normal to see girls in leggings all year round.  I may miss the semi-frenzied chaos of living in a massive urban city.  I certainly know I’ll miss being just another Korean face in the crowd and not someone’s potential stereotype or racial specimen to dissect with personal questions.

Ah yes, Korea…such a love/hate relationship for me.  I will miss certain places and have fond memories, but I won’t miss feeling trapped behind my cultural confusion and English-speaking tongue.  I won’t miss the lack of dairy substitutes, the vicious mosquitoes, the shoving, the cars that bully pedestrians nearly everywhere one walks, or the constant smoking.  I won’t miss wearing glasses because my eyes can’t handle both contact lenses and pollution.

My mind doesn’t feel like it’s in one place anymore…transitions are here, like a cloud slowly  over my head ready to push me into another sphere of life.  Here we go…

Inner-Country Travels

Market near Haeundae, Busan.

At Haeundae beach.

Magnificent leaves at Seoraksan.

View from the top of Seoraksan.

October was a good month of weekend trips out of Seoul.  Very refreshing.  Now, 2 more solid months of work and life in Seoul and then, hopefully a week or so in Hong Kong!

Finally Fall-Like

In my opinion, fall is just now starting to show in Korea, Seoul to be more precise.  Perhaps due to my Minnesotan upbringing, it’s not fall unless the air is chilly at night and a jacket is needed some of the time.  I haven’t needed a jacket yet, but a t shirt is too cold at night now, and I’m seeing the temps gradually go from the 70s to now the 60s, and next week, some in the 50s.

The height of autumn is a good time to go to Seoraksan, so off we go this weekend.  I really have no idea what to expect.  I’m sure it’ll be really nice to truly be in an Earthy environment.  Living in Seoul, it can be easy to get lost amongst the concrete, gas fumes, etc.  I will take in the wonder of beautiful mountains that help to define the Korean landscape, and though rain is predicted, hopefully see some great colors in the leaves.