For the record

I don’t hate Korea.  I don’t love Korea.  It is a unique country, with a history filled with ups and downs, and filled with people who are both nice and rude – just like every country in the world.  I may bitch about some of my experiences on here, many of which stem from simple language barrier problems, cultural misunderstandings, etc.  This is not unique to anyone living in Korea who wasn’t raised here, but some of my reactions do stem from my adoptee identity and the life-long issues and struggles I have had.

I definitely realize learning Korean BEFORE coming here would have been a great and useful skill to have in order to enjoy living here more.  However, I didn’t and therefore I come across a lot of situations that frustrate me.  Looking Korean to the Koreans means they don’t get why I can’t respond to them and also can mean that they expect me to act a certain way, simply because I look the part.  This is a different level of frustration and prejudice that I contend with that others who do not look Korean do not deal with.  I realize they have their own struggles in Korea, but this is not a blog about them.  It’s my blog.  I did not set up this blog to make it a big debate convention to try and figure out who has had it worse in this country: adoptees, gyopos, white people, black people, other Asian but not Korean folks, mixed race people, etc.

My identity as an adoptee  (and as a person currently living in Korea) does not reflect anyone else’s, and therefore should not be considered as a reflection of the entire Korean adoptee community.  This is just my place to say what I want to say, mostly for the audience of my friends and acquaintances.  If you have a lot to say about your experiences in Korea, feel free to open your own blog and write about them.  Do not criticize me for experiencing life in Korea how I have.

Another Great Sanchon Experience

I discovered Sanchon in 2005 and really enjoyed and appreciated the experience. Buddhist temple food and a Korean dance performance.  A bit pricey for me, but worth it.  I enjoyed this place again in 2007 during my 3 week vacation, and since moving to Korea about 14 months ago, I kept postponing going…was waiting for that special ocassion I suppose.  It’s about 40,000/person for the food and dance performance.  Finally this past weekend I went, took Joe with who had never been, and enjoyed the simple, yet delicious pure vegan food.  Here are some photos:

Interior of Sanchon.

The beginning of the dance performance.

More information here!

The usual bitching

As I sat on the train with my partner Joe, another Korean adoptee talking at a fairly quiet level, the 50 year old guy next to us asks, “What are you talking about?” (in Korean) and I wouldn’t know this but of course Joe understood him.  Not feeling like it was any of his business what we’re talking about, Joe ignored him.  The 50 year old rude, nosey, and angry guy gets up and starts shouting at us for not answering him.  He’s literally reprimanding us for not translating our conversation to him.  By the way, we were talking about my allergies and how I sometimes have a sensitive stomach to random food.  The train is nowhere near full, with plenty of spots to sit, but the man is so disgusted at us, he stands up and walks to the nearest door, still muttering crap about us.  He’s not getting off anytime soon which is what I hoped because he was making me very uncomfortable.  Instead he just moved to the door and stood up to be away from our awful English speaking voices.  I am so ready to be away from this place.  Will I deal with crap in the USA for looking the way I do and being the way I am?  Certainly.  But at least there I can, in my own empowered way challenge them if I am up for it and defend myself with words as I choose to.  Here, I am just a powerless mute most of the time.  I respect Joe for not responding to this a-hole because it really was none of his business what we were talking about.

People here often try to explain TO ME why these things happen, and I’m sick of hearing it.  I know that some Koreans, especially the older ones have a closed mind about “outsiders.”  I know that they are just wondering what we’re saying.  I know all of this, but it still doesn’t make me feel any better.  It’s like when white people try to EXPLAIN why people say ignorant things to me.  Thanks for explaining to me why you think someone is so stupid, but sometimes all I want is to just vent.

85 days people…85 days and I’m outta here!

Sort of like a podcast, but you have to read it.

This week in Seoul…

Funny T-shirt sighting:  I walked past a girl wearing a shirt that read:  ”I’m looking for my Mr. Big” worn by a rather tall Korean girl, with leggings on of course.  The t-shirt was oversized and long, practically to her knees.  I laughed for a good block after spotting that on her.

Podcast reactions:  Began listening to this podcast “Deep Thoughts by Shallow People” because I went to college with one of the guys on it and while I was laughing for a good portion of it, I was also utterly annoyed at their discussion on people dressing up as a geisha for Halloween.  None of them appear to be people of color, so it didn’t surprise me that the conversation about said topic was insensitive and devoid cultural sensitivity.   One guy did point out that it’s just as bad as someone dressing up as a black person for Halloween (Wow – really?), but in general the short discussion they had was lacking and one person said “What would be wrong with that?” to the question of whether wearing eyeliner to make one’s caucasian eyes look “thinner” took place.  Boo.

I also began listening to “This American Life” presented by Chicago Public Radio and am really enjoying it.

Finally, have been listening to the “Vegan Freak” podcast and have enjoyed that one as well…because there is still a vegan freak deep down inside of me.  :D

Korean Adoptee Rant:  I continue to get asked by people here  if I’m Chinese or where I was born.  As if saying “No” to the first question or answering the second one is going to help them out.  I was at a restaurant and the woman working there was talking to me about who knows what and I said, “Sorry I’m not understanding you…” so she immediately said in English, “Oh, are you Chinese?”  Why she even had to talk to me in the first place is beyond me.  Why can’t people mind their own business?  Furthermore, since she obviously knew English, why not just switch to English to tell me whatever she was telling me rather than assume/question my ethnicity?  This scenario happens in the USA and South Korea and I guess since I have a chip on my shoulder about having to go into depth about my personal history to strangers, I really hate this question!!!

Vegan Rant: Was at an Indian restaurant here and the guy working there spoke English just fine.  I asked him if what I was ordering had any cream or anything in it, and he assured me it did not.  When the food came out, there were huge chunks of cheese in it.  I guess I should have been more specific and asked him if there was cream, milk, cheese or any DAIRY product in the dish.  Considering the menu’s description mentioned nothing about cheese in that dish, it was unexpected and disappointing.  I miss pure vegan Indian restaurants…wahhhhh…

Seoul Metro Memory:  Was on the ever-so-crowded Line 1 last weekend (with Joe) and an older woman (maybe 60ish?) tried talking with me.  Realizing that was not going to happen, she asked where I was born (in broken English) so I said, “Busan.”  She kept trying to talk with me so Joe started translating and she more or less just felt sorry for me after learning of my adoptee status.  She was patting my knee very kindly and kept talking to Joe about/”with” me.  She said she had met one other adoptee in her lifetime.  She gave us an apple from her garden and some kind of rice cake snack.  She said she wanted to learn English but didn’t know where to begin.  She was nice and it’s the first time I’ve received pity snacks as a result of being an adoptee.  In some ways I don’t like it, but honestly I’d rather have that reaction than the harsh attitude received from some native Koreans who basically say/think, “Well so what if you’re an adoptee?  You should still speak Korean.”

From the desk of this English teacher: Being in a facetious mood a few weeks back, I told one of my nosier students that I was born on the moon.  She had been pressing to figure me out, and I just wasn’t in the mood that day to try to talk about my identity.  Well yesterday she looked at me real serious like and said, “Were you really born on the moon?”  I laughed and said no, while on the inside I was thinking, “Wow, she remembered that?”  I shouldn’t be surprised since kids are smart and remember a lot, so then when she asked “Really, where are you from?  America?”  I just nodded and left it at that.  Why do I not tell the truth and say I was born in Korea?  Because it seems that being born somewhere goes hand-in-hand with knowing the language/culture by many people’s attitudes here, including most of my students so lying and saying I’m from the USA just seems easier sometimes.  I hate lying and I know I should be educating these kids on this more than I am…but either I’m just terribly lazy and a bad person or I’m just burnt out of explaining myself.  Maybe it’s both.  Forgive me.

English I’ve learned as a result of being an English teacher:  Present Simple is where you either add an “s” to the verb depending on if the subject is singular or plural, and Present Continuous is where you add “ing” to the verb to indicate said action is happening right now.

General announcements:  Leaving Korea for reals on Feb. 3rd, 2010.  Flight is booked and paid for.  I’ll leave Incheon at 8:00am and arrive to Chicago at 8:00am.  Can’t wait to see Chicago with a Chicago-raised dude!

Neither here nor there

November is making it’s strong entrance.  Temps reached below freezing this week.  Coffee shops began serving their holiday drinks.  We turned on the floor heat, an experience fairly unique to Korea.  Last night it got so warm I had to turn it off.  Winter is moving in, and my mind keeps re-playing moments here while it also imagines life there in 3 months.

No longer will I be booking past people in the transfer zones of the Seoul Metro, lightly brushing their arms or huge purses as I steadily run up or down stairs to catch my next train.  No more ample supply of Korean cuisine every corner I turn.  No longer will it be normal to see girls in leggings all year round.  I may miss the semi-frenzied chaos of living in a massive urban city.  I certainly know I’ll miss being just another Korean face in the crowd and not someone’s potential stereotype or racial specimen to dissect with personal questions.

Ah yes, Korea…such a love/hate relationship for me.  I will miss certain places and have fond memories, but I won’t miss feeling trapped behind my cultural confusion and English-speaking tongue.  I won’t miss the lack of dairy substitutes, the vicious mosquitoes, the shoving, the cars that bully pedestrians nearly everywhere one walks, or the constant smoking.  I won’t miss wearing glasses because my eyes can’t handle both contact lenses and pollution.

My mind doesn’t feel like it’s in one place anymore…transitions are here, like a cloud slowly  over my head ready to push me into another sphere of life.  Here we go…

Inner-Country Travels

Market near Haeundae, Busan.

At Haeundae beach.

Magnificent leaves at Seoraksan.

View from the top of Seoraksan.

October was a good month of weekend trips out of Seoul.  Very refreshing.  Now, 2 more solid months of work and life in Seoul and then, hopefully a week or so in Hong Kong!

Finally Fall-Like

In my opinion, fall is just now starting to show in Korea, Seoul to be more precise.  Perhaps due to my Minnesotan upbringing, it’s not fall unless the air is chilly at night and a jacket is needed some of the time.  I haven’t needed a jacket yet, but a t shirt is too cold at night now, and I’m seeing the temps gradually go from the 70s to now the 60s, and next week, some in the 50s.

The height of autumn is a good time to go to Seoraksan, so off we go this weekend.  I really have no idea what to expect.  I’m sure it’ll be really nice to truly be in an Earthy environment.  Living in Seoul, it can be easy to get lost amongst the concrete, gas fumes, etc.  I will take in the wonder of beautiful mountains that help to define the Korean landscape, and though rain is predicted, hopefully see some great colors in the leaves.

Riding the emotional rollercoaster

The Seoul train has departed.  14 months ago precisely, the ride began and has since then been truly full of big steep hills with some serious stomach turning rides downward.  Exhilarating, to say the least.  Here I sit, on an October evening.  The clock creeps toward 9:00pm and in the quiet, snowy land of Minnesota I envision myself at home, maybe doing laundry or some other boring but necessary task.  Here in Seoul, I am a moron for not packing an umbrella into my Adidas backpack as I quickly left the apartment for my one-hour commute.  I brought my running socks, a change of underwear, and even deodorant, but no umbrella.  I’ve been so used to dry weather, that I forgot that weather diversity is possible.

So now I wait for one of the sweetest men on Earth to arrive to this rich stretch of South Korea to find me in my classroom.  My boyfriend who was at home, probably relaxing after a busy day is coming all the way toward me to bring me an umbrella and then he and I will splurge and eat a good dinner nearby.  Making lemonade out of lemons, as they say…

My mind feels full of thoughts these days, perhaps knowing that I must reflect on the meaning of this time in Korea.  As with any major life change, much of the reflection, lessons learned, etc comes later…after there is some distance from its reality.  Yet, I still want to recognize the here and now while I’m here.  I don’t want to lose sight of this in these last days as a resident of Seoul.  It’s so easy for me lately to just feel pissed off about the frustration in living here, or to feel sad about the friendships I have been missing in Minnesota.  It’s way too often I find myself being Ms. Crabby Pants and I know this is both understandable and unfortunate.  My mind and body haven’t felt very centered as I’ve lived here, but there have been some remarkable and worthwhile moments of true serenity.

I know now that living in Korea isn’t for me.  It’s been a struggle and perhaps if I didn’t have financial pressures back home it would have been easier.  Definitely knowing more Korean would have helped, but even then there are frustrations, particularly for ethnic Koreans lacking in fluency and cultural competency for a smoother and perhaps easier time here.  I know my personality, outlook on life and just general demeanor has contributed to not really liking it here much of the time, but even with that all said, I have absolutely NO REGRETS for having stepped off that airplane 14 months ago.  I needed Korean overload, to “OD” on Korea and to stop doing what I knew I was doing before even moving here which is romanticizing my birth country and desperately wanting a stronger connection.  I wanted the awkwardness that is Korean interactions, the sporadic tears shed when seeing in-tact Korean families, the on-site Korean food 24/7…even the spitting Ajusshis and elbowing Ajummas.  I wanted it all.

Now, I just want to peacefully finish my contract #2 which is up on January 29th.  I want to maintain a degree of fitness in my shady-ass cheap gym and conquer the treadmill every time.  I control it, it does not control me.  I want to alleviate some of my emotional coffee drinking and shopping and just save money and calories and realize the next chapter will be here soon enough.  I want to have fond memories of my students even if the day-in/day-out with them can make me want to bang my head into a wall sometimes.  I want to realize this will all, very soon now be a distant memory and one I will actually miss.

The sweetest boyfriend will soon be here…he’s two stops away.  Tonight we feast on non-Korean grub, appreciate the rain that will cleanse this city of 10+ million and plan for our upcoming trips to Hong Kong, then Chicago, then…home.  At least I know where that is now.

Feels like Saturday

October is here!  The weather is near perfection these days in Korea.  No more complaints from this adoptee.  I’m sitting in my space of Seoul that resembles Minnesota – Caribou Coffee.  Strange how one can crave their other home when in the other home.  I crave Korean people, food and artifacts when back in North America.  What gives?  Well, I’ll do whatever I need to do to feel good.  Sometimes a soy mocha from Caribou just feels good…and this weekend is one of the very few elusive 3 day weekends.  Chuseok weekend!  Today is Friday but since I have it off from work, it feels like Saturday.  Everyone loves a good relaxing weekend…

Unfortunately, report cards are due at work soon, so I am working on them a little bit, but mostly enjoying this faux fireplace in the middle of Seoul.  I do miss that real fall crisp air that is found in the midwest, but at the same love how Korea has an abudance of sunshine and 65-75 degree weather at this time of year.

Photo from RESILIENCE

The excitement of seeing Resilience soon (I hope!) at the PIFF is growing and today the Korea Herald had a huge spread about the film.  I’m eager to get out of Seoul for a change of scenery and to experience something new.  I’ve been to Pusan once before but definitely wouldn’t mind exploring it some more.

The leaves will eventually change here and I suppose in some parts of the country have begun changing already.  We’ll take a trip to Seoraksan soon, probably before October is over, which will also be a nice change of scenery from Seoul.  I can feel the pressure to do/see more now that time is running out.  It is by my choice that time is running out and I know I want and am ready to get back to the USA, but it is of course going to be sad and emotional, too.  So I’m trying to make each day last…

Stay to the right, please…

As if Koreans weren’t slightly clumsy to begin with, they are now instigating the new law that encourages people to walk to the right.  Escalators are being switched so now you go to the right, whereas before many were on the left.  Next weekend is a major holiday in this country (추석) and with the swarms of people rushing to and fro, I imagine there to be more chaos than usual since they’re confusing everyone with these changes.  Coming from the USA, going to the right feels natural, but I admit after living here for 13 months, the left was beginning to feel “normal.”  I wonder how many more experiences of bashing into people I’ll get to enjoy, or better yet witness.  With all the people walking and texting, walking and watching TV shows on their hand-held devices, or playing Nintendo DS, it should make for an interesting and humorous time in Seoul.