Birth Mother Search Halting

I recently emailed Eastern to check up on the progress of finding any new information about my birth mother.  This was their response:

*****

안녕하세요~!

Since we’ve met here at Eastern with your birth father, I contacted to the person at the girl’s high school in Busan.  As you my remember that I’ve got the school’s name from your birth father because he thought that your birth mother attended this high school.  But the person at school said that there is no matched or similar information with your birth mother.   I think that it is unable to get more information from the school.

Also I have sent the information regarding your birth mother and her backgournd in your file to the police officer many weeks ago and am still waiting for the reply.  Many years ago I did this already but could not find any information.  I wanted to try once again this time even though the chance to find her may be very slim.

I will let you know if I can get any information.  Take care!

*****

I am feeling disappointment, but also like many adoptees who search and come up with less than what’s in their idealistic vision of finding more, I am numb and okay with it, too because…I have to be.

Korean Eyes

I think after living here long enough, it’s normal to just get into a routine and forget that this is really different and foreign.  I see almost everyday the same 5 subway stops and the blur of people passing by as the train arrives and departs from each station.  I see the same fashions, the same kinds of beggars, the same types of salesmen selling the same items, the typical school kids in their uniforms, and the same typical behaviors on the subway – people dozing off, young couples flicking each other or giving each other “love pats” (smacks?), and so on.  I stand there swaying to the natural movements of the train tracks, sometimes losing my balance a bit, but usually just in a daze knowing I have a job ahead of me, or behind me for the day.  I don’t stare or gawk at all the Korean faces anymore.  My first trip to Korea in 2005 resulted in me taking a lot of pictures of strangers on the streets.  I, like most adoptees who had never been to Korea since being adopted hadn’t seen so much of my own ethnic clan in one place.  It’s both awesome and overwhelming, at least it was for me.

Now I have to sometimes remind myself how amazing it is to see so many Korean eyes surrounding me, filling up my personal space and reminding me of where I am right now in my life.  I find myself having to stop and really smell the kimchi.  When I do this, when I really make a conscious effort to notice my surroundings and not just see my day as another average work day, I get this little feeling inside of me that feels really happy.  I don’t really know why or what it is, but I guess it must be just a satisfying feeling of finally being around Koreans after longing for that feeling of being visually “normal” for so many years of my life.

Speedwalking

I’ve become quite the speedwalker here in Seoul.  I think it’s for two main reasons: One, there are a lot of smokers here who wave their cigarettes around and rather than walking behind them breathing in their poison, I speed up to get in front of them.  Two, people in large groups like to walk slowly (I call it meandering) and usually they walk in a red rover line, making it hard to break through unless you really speed up and walk all the way around them.

It’s good times here in Seoul.  I guess I can count this as a form of exercise, right?